interlude: Listenupyoum*th*rf***er! rant

I like the internet. And if you are reading this you probably do too. It is a valuable resource for information, music, and inspiration when I hit roadblocks. I like reading about how the people I want to be connected with are doing. I read blogs and wade through face book . I check out pictures my friends have done or posed for , it allows me to chat with liz all the way over in Brighton, and jake in Ottawa, and degan in Vancouver. It allows me to keep track of what needs to be done with my clockwork mates and toss ideas around with paul about the rapidly growing world we are creating. It gives me a place to post the pictures that I have created and like. Actually without it I probably never would have started taking pictures. …

I’m about to go off on a rant here…. It may just be fuelled by bad dreams and too much smoke and caffeine. It is not a cry for “warm fuzzies” to be tossed my way electronically… and anyone who really knows me knows how hard it is to actually get me in one place and totally focused enough to actually have a decent conversation without me going off on a tangent about creating something new and exciting. It’s a defence mechanism y’know… if I hide behind a task then it’s the task that is in the foreground not me. I’ve never been comfortable being in the spotlight , which is strange because I tend to jump right in the center. How f***ed up is that? Not too much really when you think about it. As a bipedal, humanoid, creature I enjoy validation… I never really thought that I deserve much so I go about doing things that do deserve validation. That whole phase of fire breathing … and god I was good at it… was bout me needing to be told that I was good… and the little gospel of three minutes at the end was to add something that would make it more than a fairly pitiful cry for attention, at least there would be a little social commentary to get the rubes to ponder. It was the only way I could force myself time and time again into the circle. That, and the money… I liked the money.

( how is it that a rant about one thing often ends up being a rant about something else ? And now you have to slam on the breaks and try to get the goddamn bus outta the swamp and back on the highway…. Tires spin in mud.)

So without the internet I probably wouldn’t be taking pictures. Well no, that’s not completely true. It’s a combination of the technology. A person who enjoys trying to capture an image ( I hate the title photographer ) will shoot about 100 frames to get 10 good ones, and 1000 to get one that is great, 10 000 may yield ( onna a lucky day ) one exceptional shot. If it wasn’t for digital photography think about how much money that would cost in film and developing. To do what I do the old fashioned way would require a darkroom and all the stuff for developing ( no I can’t imagine what a developer would say about most of my images ). I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to get the type of image I have without my editing program. ( for the record and as a middle finger to everyone who thinks photoshop is the end all to photo editing $700 + the average add on from $50 - $300. -And they wonder why there are software pirates-. I use Paintshop Pro photo X2 at a tenth of the price.) I think maybe some of what I do with my little laptop would be as far from my reach as a gold medal in sprinting. So the technology has allowed me to see that I may have an eye for images and enough creativity to make them my own.

(awwww crap !!! tires spin in mud.)

Pictures. ( note to self … stop that )

I take them, edit them, and return them to the persons who are in them. Turn around from a good shoot is anywhere from a day to a week. If I remember to edit them all ( and sometimes I forget, just recently I came across a file of 100 images that I had just started to edit then forgot.. They look good tho .. Now ).

Prep for a shoot can be anywhere from months ( like the clockwork shoots ) to a few hours but mostly involve me rushing around getting the props/ costumes , deciding where to shoot, and setting up the set. A shoot is anywhere from 2 hours - 8 depending on the complexity of the set/costumes/#of models/my attention span. I average 4 hours per sitting . Sometimes the shoot is easy, if I am focused and engaged in the shoot it goes well and I have no issues with getting the persons to pose/dress/undress to my satisfaction. The ease of the shoot relies on my direction ( =interest 40% +mood 17.5% +focus 7.5%) and the a combination of the willingness of the model ( 17.5%) and their mood (17.5%). I’ll end up with 200 - 600 images if I am careful 1000+ if I shoot heavy.

Then comes the editing process. The first time I get the images up on my screen and roll through them. I’ll do this three or four times before I bring out the electronic shears. The first cull is easy, anything that is too blurry or bad image quality is burned. Then it’s a case of “Looking At The Face” to find the images that convey the “ideal” I want. This has a lot to do with eyes, mouth and jaw. These are things that change in a face and end up changing the face. There is nothing worse than a “smile” that ends before it gets to the eyes or a mouth that has the shape of “I’ll just get through this moment.” This takes a lot of walk-thru’s and mind changing . Somewhere during this process I’ll be cropping the image. A lot of what I end up with in the finished bin is good because of what I have cropped out.

One person commented that after a fairly long shoot where she was mainly nude I had cropped out most of her nekidness.. It took me a while to explain that to get the image I really wanted she had to be comfortable in a state that wasn’t too comfortable … it goes like this.

Take off all your clothes and stand in front of someone who you know and trust. This is not an easy thing to do when your brain is fogged with lust but try to do it when sex is not a part of the equation. There are people out there who will confirm that once you are comfortable being nude and used to being nekid without anything naughty going on it’s kinda nice. But for the start your mind will be spinning with “ I wonder what X thinks of my ( fill in body part/type here)”. Once you overcome the boundary of nudity, other things that may bother you are no longer a big deal. This has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with being comfortable. It’s a hell of a wall to break through the first time but I have found that once someone has cast away the “issue” they are far more relaxed in front of the camera. Nine times out of ten once they get past the shock of being bare they relax way easier. And the pictures are much better.

(awww crap , tires spin in mud )

After the sorting /cropping process comes the actual editing of the pictures. Each image can take anywhere from 2 minutes to half an hour. The average time for 50 images is about 5 hours of work sooo we can say that it takes about 6 minutes for every picture. Each subset takes a little while to do the basic stuff, brightness/contrast.. Then it’s a case of carving and chopping and sanding the textures to get the final image.

Add up all the time 8 hours before the shoot,+4 hours for the shoot,+2 hours culling the stockpile, + 5 hours for editing and you end up putting 21+/- hours. Lets call it 20 hours. That’s half of an average work week ( actually it’s a little more since the average work week is now 36 hours ). The average wage for a person in the field of art, culture, recreation and sport is aprox $23. That means an average shoot would cost in hourly wages somewhere around $460.

As I was cruising the internet canadian boudoir photographers average at around $400 / sitting plus $20/image for editing the average cost of a printed 5x7 = $10 ( anywhere from $5-$20 ). If you get in on a marathon the prices drop a little but so does the time spent on each person. To be fair- lets assume $200 for the sitting ( 2hrs) , $10/image for editing ( 20 images ), $10 for a photo disk, and $5 /print. - that works out to about $510 for a 2 hour sitting, They supply the makeup and hair person, you supply the clothes . I don’t do makeup , I will supply the clothes if the subject of the shoot interests me ( on average when I buy an outfit is hovers around the $200- $400 mark depending on the shoes/corset/whatever you are dressed in)

This year I on average spent $200 / shoot for clothing, that the subject ended up keeping.

Subtract my costs form what I could charge. And my average dollars/hour wage for a shoot is $13.

What I actually charge is on almost all occasions $0. So my average wage/hour -$10.

(Funnily enough this is not what the Rant is about … yup I have driven so far into the swamp that I can’t even see the road .. At this point tires are not spinning in mud but water is seeping in over the door.)

It puts it in some sort of context. People seem to understand spending money better than they understand time spent on something. And after all I do love doing it.

But you know what I hate. I hate that people seem to think that because it doesn’t cost anything .. It’s not worth anything, They ant the images because it gives them something for people to “oooh” and “awwwww” over. They like the fact that they look god in the pictures. They have no idea how much effort it takes to make a picture that makes them look really good, or just how involved I have to be to care enough to make them look good.

Try to do what I do. I mean really try to do it. You can look at my stuff and say well.. It’s not so special. But can you do it?

I have been trashed by others for doing this, I have had people get mad at me because they have to wait or because I wont give them a hard copy of every picture. I have had people cancel at the last minute or without notice. And I have had people tell me that what I do isn’t photography because I rely on heavy editing. For the record I never said I was a Photographer. I don’t know what I am but I know that I like what I do.

Deb has a bumper sticker that says “if yer gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!”

I feel that way sometimes, people ride my ass or cut me off or disregard what I do because … well because they either don’t know how much effort it takes, or they don’t care, or they wish they could do what I can’t do and “sour grapes” come to them naturally. But when friends turn on me and toss glass ( metaphorically) for me to tread on. I get frustrated, and angry and want to quit.

Sometimes I think I should hand over a bill for the stuff I do. Just so people will understand that “there is no such thing as a free lunch” . But I remember that I have friends and associates who balance the scale, they give more than I do, they try just as hard trying to reach the same goal… and most of the time they carry me when I can’t seem to get myself up that hill.

I don’t tell some of you how much I appreciate what you do for me , I don’t tell some of you how much I hate the way you treat me. My heart tells me that I should.

That is all.

Lets not have comments on this okay?

Thanks

Ivan.