fons et origo*

Epiphany:

An epiphany is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something.

Also if we add a “the” to the front it turns into a religious holiday , but that’s not the point here.

The calendar year has passed, from 8 to 9... This is a time for people to take stock, plan new ways to attack life.. Okay, okay it’s a time to rethink ways to pay off the debt that accumulated with the gift giving, or shed the pounds from too many feasts ( who dance hand in hand with libations ) … More often than not it is a time to face general guilt and frustration because we bit off more than we could chew…

I have listed the events of the past year, as they happened… a laundry list of someone who will attempt to live in a manner that is more than “day to day…”

I sing a song of balance , I sing it off-key, but I sing it loudly… it seems like for the greatest part of my adult life I have been singing songs for people .. If they listen or not. I have sang about giving us all a fair shake, I have sang about loving the things about ourselves that we hate, and I sing about balance.

I have learned things that make me happy… and more importantly I have learned things that bring me a modicum of peace … so today, this day of epiphany I throw down a list of the things I have learned between the shortest day/longest night solstices , and the year between them.

Small joy is found for me by:

Finding intimacy where it has absolutely no right to be
Having a lesson taught to me with smiles
A very evil grin on a very good person
Sandalwood
Demon in the dark
Shared warmth
Quiet conversations ( often held in loud places)
The perfect curve
Properly mixed beverages
Tea, coffee, and ice water
Solitude
Companionship
White lace, diamonds, cords, boning and garters
Images carved from images
A good playlist

I have little time for:

Threats and bullies and thugs
Small talk
Anger and frustration
Border disputes and pissing contests
Jealousy
Being a hidden pleasure ( when it is not my choice .. This is a very important distinction )
Being treated as a commodity
Disrespect ( either receiving or giving )
Things of no consequence ( so vague but still very true… also the way it is worded gives me a fair amount of play )

Other thoughts at the moment…

I often think I am a bad friend, not knowing how or when to jump in or when to leave it be ... I push too hard I think … I do mean well… but often I forget my place…. I think it’s because I don’t have boundaries for my friends… not my true friends…I’m never sure where their boundaries are… so .. I mess up

I know what my expectations of situations are, usually early on.. Rather than nagging to have those expectations met I just wait and see… if they are not met.. I end the situation … this seems a bit harsh but usually is fair to the situation… allowing everyone to act as they see fit … rather than pushing the situation in my own way…

I gleaned this from a conversation had while writing this:

friendship is fragile, a bit like a bridge made of glass
it would take forever to build a bridge of glass.. something that would endure
and incredible effort
but it needs to be built from both ends.. both people making the same effort
or it will crack , then break
that is very abstract eh?


Well that’s enough … isn’t it ….


* the spring and source