Cotidie damnatur qui semper timet *

Every once in a while we all need a respite, I think that may be the reason for colds…
Think about the common cold, we all get it… it makes us stay home, in bed, or on the couch , wrapped in a comforter of some sort sipping something warm. And something pre recorded is on the tube.

Currently, gentle reader, I am watching the complete series of the “Lost Room” it’s drivel but mildly entertaining. And I know that sometimes we take mental health days and sick days when we just don’t want to go to work . But actually having a cold is the best way to spend a day off of work. And I have three quarters of a bottle of Buckleys, my bedroom smells of vicks I have a sore throat and a stuffed nose and I feel a little like crap. But the common cold is rarely fatal and it passes with time. It’s a guilt free day of laying about and being soft.

No work today , however I probably will go into work tonight.

Work, we work for money don’t we? And to give a sense of direction, and because it gives us some identity.

But a thought occurred to me, I work because it gives me a reason to be somewhere.
I was out one night, by myself. And in a moment of clarity. I thought “ why am I here?” not the whole what is mans role in the universe quandary. Just a moment when one of my strangest feelings of apprehension tickled my kidneys.

Most fears are a weird hold over from childhood; clowns, spiders, deep water, the dark. Deep rooted things.

But I developed a fear somewhere in my late teens.

The fear is someone will ask me by what right I am wherever I am, and I have no answer.
Years have passed and I still have that fear, it is one of those things that actually shape how I live my life. There are times when I seem to be a hermit, winters where I don’t leave my home, summers where I lock myself up if I am not working. And the strange habit I have of moving away.

So I work in a bar , and get to be social, so I work with handicapped individuals and am allowed to be out and about, so I breathe fire and get of be at festivals and whatnot. And when someone asks if they ever will.. I have a reason.

Why the laying bare of the soul on this point?
Well it’s from the heart.

* The man who is constantly in fear is every day condemned.