Wow, this one is long …. Pop some corn…. Take a load off. … Might I suggest skipping it?
Went and saw Smokin’ Aces. It was very good. I like a little bit of the old ultra-violence now and again. My DVD collection is 80 percent zombies, swords, gun battles, and assassins. Even my favorite love story focuses on an Assassin who goes to his 10 year reunion. 5 points if you know it, and the connection to Smokin’ Aces.
Much of the violence I watch is highly choreographed, Asian Gun Ballet… lots of bullets and dodging and slow motion.. Think The Matrix without a cardboard keanu reeves. Not this movie, gentle reader, hellz no! when the guns come out the scene is close to over. A nice change, a welcome change. Aside from the quick fights there was a great under current of …loss?
Anyway. The person I saw it with, didn’t like it. “WHAT THE HELL” was screaming in my head when I heard those words. Some people just have different tastes. it’s a tough lesson. Different tastes we may all have, but all of us, Vegans to meat eaters , we all eat.
And Valentines day is coming up. What’s your poison? Is it staring in your partners eyes and sharing a stolen moment? Is it going from meeting to sweating in under 2 hours? Is it seeing just how hard to push before they run screaming away from you? Is it trying to keep the upper hand ? Is it wading through past memories and trying to salvage some part of your life in a box under the bed? Is it the middle finger at the whole scene and claiming “I don’t need it!”? Or is it simply trying to find a person who actually sees what you see when you look at yourself, but where you frown, they smile?
Some of y’all have partners. I find I am talking, by choice to more and more single people. And like most single people on the TV and like myself, they are all trying to figure out how to date. It’s not that easy. You can attempt to date from the office pool or wherever you work. There is always the bar, and friends of friends. But even if you do find someone it seems a little messed up.
I have a theory about why dating it screwy. It the Fast/Slow problem.
We go too fast.
Look, if you meet someone you like you quickly jump on the chance to go out with them. If that works then another date is lined right up. Usually by the third one, there is a certain level of intimacy. Then comes the chains and hell , before we even know what this person smells like after three days and no shower, we are forsaking all others for their attention. It’s the same as a conventional marriage, doing things together , making plans together, making decisions with the other person in mind. So in a week or a month we go from liking a person to being partners. Too fast. And that’s not even taking into account online dating services, phone dating services, matchmaker services, and speed dating ( what the F ck can be accomplished in 3- 5 minutes of yuppies shifting tables ..it takes me 3 minutes to get comfortable in the F cking chair!) TOO FAST!!!!
It makes choosing who we date really intimidating, because we are not choosing who we date, we are picking a perspective mate. No it’s not for life, divorce is easy, that’s another part of the problem. Nevertheless, it freaks people out. So we shut down to make the decision, and we agonize over it. Make snap decisions in a few moments in the urge to find the right one. We take so long making lists and evaluating the other people that a lot of wheat is tossed out with the chaff simply because the light hit them in the wrong way. We slow down to the point of standstill , and they pass us by. Fear slows us down.
Too fast, too slow.
You want a partner? learn to talk, learn to listen. Learn to laugh.
Be honest, if you are shallow don’t say “A sense of humor is the most important thing” cause it’s not. You know how many comedians get laid? 3. Don’t say you want a sensitive guy if you don’t want some shmuck who will cry because his fern died. Don’t think the hot girl you met at the bar will all of a sudden stop flirting and wearing skimpy outfits. And people I cannot emphasize this more. IF THEY SLEEP WITH YOU ON THE FIRST NIGHT, IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU MADE A CONNECTION, IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. Although you probably had one thing in common. YOU WERE BOTH HORNY AND EASY.
Sex is not love. Sex is easy .
Aside from the “it’s just good to get laid” defense, guys can chase sex because if you screw them then you find them desirable. It’s like getting a gold star. “I did all the right things now I got a girl under me.” Girls often use sex as a lure, to get attention . You ever see two obviously straight girls making out? It’s not for their pleasure. And the more attention they get the higher their standing in the eyes of their peers.
I wont even start on the whole trophy partner thing...
If you just want sex, I mean really just want to get off. Go for it. Lust is not gender specific, find someone and git sum. But don’t wave sex around like a bat with a spike in it. It demeans you and I. If you really want a long relationship. Talk and laugh. Wait until you know at least 5 things about them before you hop in the sack.
1) what makes them cry.
2) what makes them laugh
3) what is their one true passion.
4) what are they like on their worst day.
5) what stops them in their tracks.
Now for you to know that about them, they need to know it about themselves, and you should know it about yourself. If you don’t know those 5 things about yourself you are not ready for a long relationship. But feel free to go out and get laid. Just don’t hurt anyone doing it Be honest see how far it gets you.
And take baby steps, there is no need to rush, you can share your life with lots of people, not all of them will be in your bed. I have a friend I love with all my heart, when we dance together it’s very sweet. She and I will never share a bed. But that doesn’t make her less special to me. Love is not sex either. Love endures where passion dies. Love shines through anger and frustration . Love is not instant, not truly.
Take your time, enjoy the walk. Don’t be afraid, someone will take your hand eventually. Just reach out.
* Even a god finds it hard to love and be wise at the same time
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