a fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi*

People tell me things because I listen well and respond in all the right places.

Here are a few facts about the town I live in.

Westlock is 95 years old, sits on an area of land about 3 km across, and has a population of around 5000 people.

Stores of note that are not in Westlock. Most big names, wal-mart, blockbuster, tim hortons. As a matter of fact the only big name stores in town sell either groceries, something for your car (tires, gas, parts), or agricultural equipment.
It has three bars ,2 lounges, 2 fast food chain restaraunts , one good burger place, 6 gas stations, a good rec-center with a great pool, and one of the best skate parks in Canada. The average age of a Westlockian approx 46.
It is in the middle of the southern most tip of the northern oilfields. This puts it about half way from the closest large city ( Edmonton ) and the center of the oilfields ( Slave Lake).
This makes it a place where people try to live. Close to the city (about and hour and a bit traveling the speed limit ) and close to the money ( oilfeild workers make on average $30-60/hour).

The average waiting time for an apartment. 6-8 months.
Not a lot of available housing going on , and if you don’t know someone then you are pretty much out of luck if you want to move into your own place.

I have about twenty friends that I talk to regularly, mostly from work.

You might be surprised at the number of them who are stuck in a place they don’t want to be. So where do you go when you don’t want to live with the person you are living with and there is no place to move to? Well for some people there is always the option to move in with the ‘rents, for some that is not an option . Most of ‘em are screwed.

They are my friends and I have affection in my heart for them, however, last fall I was used by an X who needed a place to stay while X looked for a place to live. Looking back on that time I was just an idiot for falling for the talk and the bull. My situation was a little different, I knew I was being tagged along so when it all went south I wasn’t so surprised. It still hurt, a lot. As I process the feelings of betrayal and anger part of the process is considering the level of cruel intention needed to do such a thing, to use such a person.

And I listen to my friends, all at various levels of wanting to break up. The reasons are valid to a point. Wanting a different partner, wanting to live on their own, not wanting to be intimate with the partner they have. My advice is the same “be honest, tell them the truth” the return is unimaginative, “but, where will I go.”

I want to think that all of my friends are honorable, but the bottom line has a lot to do with the fact that there really is no place to go. So what do you do. I still hold to the idea that what they are doing is cruel. It’s strange I am not friends with their partners. But when I see them I have to hide the thoughts in my head. It’s easy to know what they will eventually go through, because I went through it. It saddens me when I think on it.

So my advice follows.

I know you are stuck between a precipice and the wolves, between a rock and a hard place. And I love you to a certain point. But my expectations of you are higher than perhaps you have of yourselves. Perhaps that is because I see your strengths . Don’t be the coward, don’t be the user, don’t be the kind of person who will crush someone they have loved just because it is convenient. Rise above.

Turn and face the wolves with a scream on your lips, or jump.





* A precipice in front, wolves behind