est queadam fiere voluptas*

This is my third attempt at an online journal in about 4 years. Part of the reason for it has been that in the past I’ll come home and write something down… just to exorcize whatever demon… and forget about it. I think I’d like a place where it stays for a while so I can look back at it. The other reason is that I read other people’s blogs. It has been a good way to keep track of what is going on with their lives.

Some people write extremely personal stuff, others use the opportunity to showcase their writing skills. And a few fall somewhere in between.

I don’t know exactly what this is going to turn out to be. I find it difficult to write the extremely personal idea out … it makes me uncomfortable. Like when you are arguing and you say something mean. But there are times when it would be the honest thing to do. If you call your journal “from the heart” then perhaps a little honesty is in order.

Loss is a part of life, we lose friends, family, jobs…
The drama of breakups…
And there are times when we have to accept the loss of a dream or a hope.

I read once, in a bad novel, a line that struck me. “He felt a black comfort in the thought, like someone who has resigned himself to suicide.”. It’s a creepy little line but it sums up a little of those days when you just want to stay in bed all day.

There is a certain pleasure in weeping. I have to admit that starting over in my old hometown has not been so easy. There have been bad days, and I’m thankful for the people who have bolstered me. New friends who listen to me ramble after a gut wrenching fight, and the old ones who write me e-mails to tell me they miss me, or they want me to come home. But the cost seems a bit high.

This morning I read two different things. An e-mail from a friend who really liked the “f ck ‘em” piece. And a web entry that put a relationship in perspective.
Both allowed me to deal with certain thoughts and feelings.
Good and bad eh? that’s life.

*There is a certain pleasure in weeping